Like all prodigal daughters, I have returned. After years and years of silence. Of plans of moving, of not writing at all, of silence, of neglecting of taking things for granted, here I am. Back. And with my new found sense of self, I am here. No promises. Just here. Home. :) *waves at neighbors* I hope you guys haven't moved or left or gone away. :)

[come again :D]

first off, i owe a lot to this blog.

and i know i've neglected it. dang, i haven't posted anything really sensible in a year or so.

don't you miss the old days, when evertyhing was fine and dandy and breezy and peachy?

haha.

COUNT ME IN.

so there. i've been trying to revive my interest in blogging recently and this one just echoes with apologies, disappointments, heartbreaks, and stuff of that sort.

but don't get me wrong. alongside that comes a lot of cheery smiles, tight hugs, boisterous laughter, of the mushiness that only love can bring, the rush and thrill :), of real friendships and people, of hope, anf fulfillment. as well as letting go.

all in one blog :)

alas, it is time, i fear. i have found a new place for me. a niche.

perhaps it will be much better there, as it is mine(http://neng.codamon.com -- stupid hyperlink isnt working). truly.


and i wish you would all come with me still.


pretty please?


hehe. i will also be doing the rounds pretty soon -- this week. and i will plague your tagboards with invites for you to come visit. hahaha. if you remember me, that is. :P


*you may visit me at http://neng.codamon.com, though it is still unergoing facelifts, constructions and moving in is still ongoing. i will be bringing some of my earlier, more pertinent posts with me there. and i promise to make it so much better, you'll come often. i hope.*

[come again :D]

hi, world :D
nandito na ulit ako.
sana.

matapos ang ilang buwan.
gaano na nga ba katagal?
buti na lang.

andito pa din pala ang blog ko.
but hindi pa ako iniwan.

pero naghihingalo.
sige, unti unti kong bubuhayin.

ngayon.
masakit na ang ulo ko.
ayoko na.

pero hindi.
nagbibiro lang.
nangangarag lang.

sawa?
hindi.
inis?
hindi.
pagod?
hindi.

gusto ko lang ng bago.
bago ulit.

magulo?

hindi.

peste lang yung kumpanyang inaanalisa ko. :)


tara.
alis tayo.

[come again :D]

After hitting 10,000, this blog has been deathly silent, I know.

I admit I've been caught up in so many things that I've forgotten to sit in on corner and write to my heart's content. Thoigh I'm not quite certain if it's being tangled up in so many strings that's stopped me from writing but it could also be from sheer exhaustion, or maybe onfusion to the point that I withdrew from the blogging world altogether.

Also, it has been one of my main commandments not to turn this blog into some angst-ridden page. You can say I abided by the shut-up-when-you-don't-have-anything-nice-to-say rule somewhat.

You're probably thinking about what propelled me back to life. I'll let you in on this. My office PC froze. Again. :D And here I am, doing it the old-fashioned way, scribbling as if I have been granted just 15 minutes to reenter this blogging world. And so I write while the tech guy (a.k.a. Steve) tinkers with my PC. And yeah, I will have to rewrite this when I find the time. Be it next week or tomorrow. And for sure my boss is gonna strangle me if she finds out I've been blogging. Hehehe.


But come to think of it. I miss it. This. The giddy feeling. The eagerness. Everytime I visit nenggit.blogdrive.com, I get an eerie, sad feeling, like I'm going home to an empty house where my footsteps echo through the halls, and the furniture all covered with dust.

No welcome party. No hugs. No music floating through the air. No free drinks for everyone. The place that used to feel like home is now empty. Cold. Dull. Lifeless. And the sad truth is, it's all my fault.


We're gonna have to do something about it, shouldn't we? So send out the invites. Pass on the margaritas. I'm back. So hit me.

One more time.

Or maybe two.

Hmmm. Don't stop.


*please note that this entry was originally written on November 23.

[come again :D]

While most relationships turn sour over time,
Ours get sweeter.

Thank you.

For making me believe.
For believing.

For making me comfortable enough to put all my defenses down.
For trusting.

For making me pick you. ļ
For waiting. (always)

For making me want to adjust and compromise.
For putting up with me.

For making me :D :D :D
For your patience.

For making me excited.
For your efforts.

For making me realize how blessed I am.
For your kindness.

For making me talk, blabber, rant, rave, as much as I want.
For listening.

For making me feel special-est. :D
For every day.

For making me strive more.
For dreaming with me.

For making me have someone to witness my life (saang movie galing to?)
For not letting go.

For making me soooo happy.
For being.


Yes. I'm lucky. And I know it. :D

I wish I could do more. Give more. Be more.

I love you, NCB. :P

[come again :D]

In a couple of hours, I will be. In the Philippines, 18 is the official legal age. But then, based on our culture, where parents pamper and hold on to their children as much as they can, in a country where it’s normal for 35 year olds to still live in their parents’ house, I guess 18 isn’t really considered as THE age where everyone acknowledges, or at least get hints, that one has evolved into an adult.


At 18, teens in the States normally move out of their parents homes, go to whichever University they managed to get into and find jobs to pay for their college education and support themselves. Their Filipino counterparts would still be wet behind the ears, most probably a college sophomore spending their parents’ money. As pointed out many times before, one of the contrasting facets of Eastern and Western culture would have to be on independence issues.

While the West promotes individualism, the East is tightly bound to tradition and family, thus binding children to parents, both reluctant to let go, resulting to (over)dependence of the offspring. These all boils down to one BIG word, responsibility. At 18, Filipinos, I think, generally aren’t exposed to as much responsibility or the sense of, since we are confident, or at least, at the back of our minds, we are complacent of our parents’ support to our welfare and survival.

But being 21 is a different matter ENTIRELY. The coddling stops, the subtle allowances in character and misdeeds slowly cease, the considerations and constant hovering peter out slowly, they are no longer as forgiving with slips in responsibilities and obligations. BY 21, one is expected to have gotten a degree, or inches away from one, followed closely by being in the process of landing a job. A modest paying one, at that. And then the REAL life starts.

On one hand, it is good, for they somewhat stop treating you as a dependent child, who needs supervision and constant reminders. They acknowledge that you, have grown, and matured (hopefully). Thus, it is easier to communicate and make yourself heard. But then, once you step out of the college gates, then the allowance stops. One has to find ways to partially support oneself, if only to prove one’s evolution into being an adult.The responsibility loaded on us can now, more than ever, be felt. Well, we can’t be “parasites” forever. After getting pimped up and worked on (whoa), a boat must test the waters and sail.

And then after years of wanting to be taken seriously and be considered an adult, some, upon reaching the threshold, long to step back in time and be 18 again, when life was breezy and fun. When all we had to juggle was academics and the social/love/co-curricular segments of our life.

We must remember, though, that we can never go back. Life isn’t like books we read where we can go back to previous chapters. Life is a book we write, where the contents come from us, written with our own hand. We cannot undo what is written, but we can make sure we learn, make amends or remember to avoid doing such mistakes again.

So this is how it feels like to be 21. Well, almost. Interesting. I sure hope I get the birthday gift I asked for from 2 people who asked me all sorts of questions early this morning. But if they don’t, well I guess there are better things lined up for me, it’s just up to me to find them. Tomorrow will be my first second time to spend the day without my parents. Tomorrow, there will be no planned party or gathering. No money. :D No parents. Independence. So this is what it feels like.



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To the special people I share this day with: Armand, Emman, Redael, :D Happy Birthday!

Damn.I sure missed writing! :D Screw 10,000 hits! :D I'm BACK!

[come again :D]